As some of you may already know I struggle with depression, and have always struggled with depression. I can’t remember when it started, I just know it has always been an issue.
I write about it a little bit here though that wasn’t when it started, it just added to it.
The last 4 days I have spent almost entirely in bed. seriously, 4 days in bed with a couple of trips to the bathroom, a few to the kitchen and maybe two showers and a tone of bad Netflix. This isn’t the first time I’ve gone pre-catatonic. In high school I spent 3 weeks almost completely in bed with minimal trips out of the room.
Suicidal? Usually only if I go on birth control… wich I now avoid like the plague. The truth is I probably would be if I didn’t believe I have a lot to accomplish in this life, I have purpose, and I’m not done yet. But yes, the last few months have been dark, and I don’t just mean that there’s been a lack of light in the sky.
- Antidepressants make me numb, I’ve tried that.
- A therapist – I tried going to one when I was a teen, no thank you.
- Group counselling – I actually liked that. All women: therapeutic but hard to find and schedule
- Hypnosis – tried that too… to not much avail, unless you count the cryptic visions, intense dreams and vivid nightmares
- Self-medicating? Booze makes things worse, so I don’t drink. And I had my fun with drugs before I turned 20 and am very done with them. Pot? I don’t like being high but I’d like to try the CBD oil… if anyone knows its effects on depression please enlighten me.
- Staying busy – to a fault
- Osteopathy – helped my back but not my head
And now: The PEMF.
I went over to Heidi and Troy’s place tonight to try it. Read about it here, as the website will tell you more than I can. Essentially it’s an electromagnetic mat. Connecting to two of them and their son was therapeutic in itself, but the mat was next level.
Never have I ever experienced so much relieve, calmness or peace from a single 30min session than I did this evening. And I’m energized! My brain feels clearer and more peaceful than it has in years!
I want to be able to describe this tangible though, so I’m going to keep a log over the next 5 days (now until Sunday) about how I feel in regards to stress and anxiety. Then next week (starting Monday) I’m going to spend 4 days / week on the PEMF while keeping the same log.
Here we go!